You know who you are,
I’ve never been good at this faith, hope, and love thing that’s printed all over everyone’s walls. I’ve always been one that struggles with all three. Perhaps that’s because I never fully understood all three until you. You taught me faith, you showed me what hope looks like, and most of all love. You showed me what love actually feels like. In my darkest times I always struggled with love, my first go around I thought love was easy. Until I realized it was all just an act that I fell for (I know you know what I mean). Now at this age I see that love is hard. The act of loving is easy, the emotions are easy. The struggle of love though is difficult. It means ups and downs, it means more losses than wins at times. And my logical side can’t seem to understand that. My logical side can’t seem but to question my faith, because why would god ever remove the chance of happy away from two people that have already been through so much? You never question your faith, its what I admire the most. But everything in this life needs a balance, even us two. You my dear are strong, level headed, always consistent, and you always walk in your faith and trust in god. And I….. well I am not you. I am strong, and emotionally driven, stubborn, and I choose to fight for what I love even if god says I cannot have it yet. And when both of these humans who are so different come together they create something truly amazing. For you keep me safe, and I keep you wild. You keep me on track and I make you laugh. I doubt my faith but I chose to walk in the shadow of yours because life has taught me it is safe there. But in the end, I fight for you, as you fight for me. As of now we have been denied the chance of living out our happily ever after. And while I know it hurts you, you have a great poker face. I don’t have that, I’ve been walking in the latest hours with my heart heavy… my faith diminished, and I am questioning god so much I need my own “21 questions” song. And you remain steady as always, you are forever my rock. But me…. I am not made like you. I think I was sent in your life to do the dirty work lol, to fight for you and for us when logic prevails in your mind but emotion over runs mine. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in soul mates. Two people who are so incredibly different yet so much the same in views and beliefs, two people that no matter how much the world tries to keep them apart they keep finding themselves right back to where they left off. As if the world is unaware that as long as we both walk this earth, you and I will always have unfinished business. I do not know what gods plan is for me any more than you know what it holds for you. But what I do know is that no matter where those roads lead, you will always be my home, and I will be yours. And maybe as I write this out, god can hear my pleads for I have promised him that I will love and cherish you for the rest of my days… sometimes I think that isn’t enough for him. Or maybe it is and the timing isn’t right. And as I cry all over this keyboard, I cant help but to be grateful, for you taught me love. Complete unselfish, crazy, painful, difficult, wonderful, love. You taught me what standing next to someone actually looks like. Until we see what fate has in store for us, I hope you know you are forever the Clyde to my Bonnie, the better parts of me, my best friend, my soulmate, and the reason I am who I am today.
I vow to always keep you wild… for as long as you keep me safe.
With the most love a broken heart can hold,