Moments of Impact.

Once in a book I read, I came across a sentence that said our lives are all measured, changed, and can be forever altered by “moments of impact”. I am not a stranger to moments of impact, divorce, grief, loss and heartache, for me all of these have been those moments. Last week that changed, and writing this down is so much harder than I thought it would be. Last week I almost lost my mother, to some rare blink of an eye infection that began to quickly take over her body. That was my moment of impact. People always talk about how fragile life is, the reality of that for me became too hard to bare. In the days spent next to her in the hospital room I began to realize all the things I had taken for granted. Yes, I said it. Granted. Because somewhere in my selfish little head I assumed my mom would live forever. Until the doctors told me that forever could be ending in the next 72 hours. You see, that is the shortest forever I have ever experienced. And my heart is simply not prepared enough to handle a loss that great. In the days that have passed I have realized that there is only one human on this entire planet that has known me since before I took my first breath. No one on this earth knows every detail about me the way my mother does. From food to telling my moods from across the room, there is no other person who will ever walk this earth that will know me the way she does. Staring at the fact that I may lose that was a reminder that I would be left on this earth, alone. With a void so large, I became utterly sure that if she passed, I would die of heartbreak and sadness. You see I am not ready yet, I am not ready to be without my mom. I am not adult enough, mature enough, I haven’t mastered every recipe, I haven’t learned all about life and resiliency yet from her. God re-gifted me the gift of time, I plan to use this to the best of my ability.

love,

-A

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