Thank God For Unanswered Prayers

Life is an interesting thing, full of weird twists and turns and sadly hurt. It was almost three years ago that I remember crying myself to bed every night, praying to god that he would change my husbands heart and mind. That he would help him see the damage he was causing to our family. I prayed night after night as I laid in a pillow soaked with my own tears and desperation. And guess what? God never answered my prayers. He never brought D back with a changed heart, he never stopped his stupid whoreish behavior. I felt like god gave me nothing in return for all of my prayers. Little did I know that at the same time, only an 45 minutes away was a man praying the same prayers I was. He prayed every day and every night that god would help save his marriage, that he would help change her ways. And guess what? God didn’t answer his prayers either. I always knew our god was a fair god, but in this case not changing their disgusting ways, well that seemed unfair. I always thought god didn’t leave prayers unanswered. Little did I know that god had a different plan. It was to cross the paths of this brokenhearted woman with that brokenhearted man. And while at first that wasn’t clear to see as time goes on it becomes more and more clear that god had a better plan then the one he and I prayed for. And while it hasn’t always been easy, and we even decided to go our separate ways for some time, here we are again. This man once shared a quote with me that said “When you hold a man’s hand and he makes you feel giddy and excited, walk away from this man. He is not the man for you. If hold a man’s hand and he makes you feel warm, safe, and secure, hold on to him. This is the man you are going to marry.” I remember laughing at him and thinking “hell no I want the man that will make me feel giddy!” foolish girl. But then something began to change, this man that made me feel “safe” eventually began to feel like home. Calm… quiet…peaceful. I found the one man that could silence my every thought, calm my crazy and lord knows I’m crazy because he made me this way. Somehow this man has become my biggest supporter, my confidant, and most of all my best friend. In him I found someone that could relate to the pain of being lied to, cheated on, and disrespected by disgusting people. In him I found safety, love, understanding. In him I found a partner, my ride or die homie, the man who I cant fathom life without. I remember when I shared my blog with him long ago, when I had 200 readers. And his reply was “own your own site. buy the name, the domain, all of it. I’m behind you.” and so I did. And now all 10,000 plus of you have read my life without knowing who I am, and your support like his has been amazing. He may not always agree with my posts or views, but he loves me enough that he always supports them, and that’s all I need. His acceptance, his loyalty, because it is in his presence that I feel whole again. How do people go from complete strangers to sitting in a jewelry store trying on engagement rings? Well I don’t know. I guess that’s a god thing. How do two people who have been so hurt and broken by such low individuals find the strength to sit and talk about, marriage, babies, and the future? That must also be a god thing. I guess all I have to say is….. THANK YOU GOD. THANK YOU FOR UNANSWERED PRAYERS. THANK YOU FOR LOVING US ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT WE DESERVED BETTER THEN THE PEOPLE WE FOOLISHLY MADE THE MISTAKE OF SHARING OUR LIVES WITH. THANK YOU GOD FOR SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT. AND AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR IGNORING MY PRAYERS.

**and to that man….. you know my heart. you are the beginning and the end of everything for me. you complete me. and even though I am difficult and stubborn and hell on heels, you take me as I am, and for that I don’t have words…. Except that I will always do right by you. Because there is no other way. God wouldn’t allow it… you and I have seen the pain that nasty selfish people can cause, and we vowed once we WOULD NEVER BE THEM. YOU HAVE MY WORD. NEVER. I love you**

I love you all,

-A

BABY MOMMA- YOU MY BIGGEST FAN!

Well ladies and gents, I have finally understood why people call it baby momma drama, or just drama! I don’t know how many times I have listened to my friends vent about their boyfriend/husband’s ex wife, girlfriend, or worse…. the baby momma! An entire different beast all in itself (in this case a fat beast covered in cellulite lol). You know which one I’m talking about, the one that “Doesn’t  care about you” yet she stalks your FB, Insta, and now your blog too. Lets call it what it is, if you don’t care about me, if you don’t like me, but you still watch everything I do, bitch I’m flattered, I’ve always wanted a fan HAHA. So here I am venting to you world, saying…. You were right about all your warnings. There is nothing worse than watching someone you care about being treated like garbage by someone who used to be a part of their life. Its frustrating, makes you angry, makes you defensive. See I was foolish enough to think I cracked the code! If I stayed out of all arguments, kept my opinion to myself, never stepped on anyone’s toes, and was always kind and graceful to any children involved, well then I cracked the code. I am now exempt from any backlash and any shit talking the baby momma could throw my way. Until I WASN’T! Instead I was drug into a problem that I have nothing to do with. To the point even my blog “Why men are like breakfast food” was brought into question. Apparently my creative writing, and hilarious views on life, and many of your stories make me a “whore” or something, or the baby momma comes off like I have this entire other life. While funny and ridiculous, it is also insulting. I appreciate all you 10,654 followers, your ideas, comments, and request for topics! I love you all. But once again my easy going nature has proven to come back and slap me across the face. Apparently being Switzerland got me no where! Here’s the funny thing about humans tho. We tend to lash out when we are backed into a corner, when our bullshit has caught up to us to the point where all we can do is point the finger at the new woman in the pic. However; you can get the hell out of here with that garbage. See I may be a creative writer with a smart mouth but you? well you know who and what you are. See here’s the thing,  I may be silent and respectful in your presence but you know what I’m not? a whore and your doormat. See I’m no saint, I like every one else am a sinner. But my expressive writing has zero to do with it. I get to walk with my head held HIGH because during my ten years of marriage I was a WIFE! I respected my husband, our marriage, our family and most of all myself and my children. I get to walk through my life and never have my children call me a “cheater” or blame me for the fall of their family. I will carry any cross in this lifetime you hand me, I will be a bitch, a cunt, and stupid ass feminist. I will be anything, but in my kids eyes I will NEVER be the bitch that valued cock more then I valued them. The problem with the world is we love to point the finger at other people instead of owning out shit. In my blogs, as you all see I OWN my shit. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t use excuses for my behavior and my way of coping with my hard times. I simply say “Yup I fucked up, and sorry if you don’t like it.” done deal. As an adult you cant go through life excusing your behavior and choices by blaming other people for it. That is to say, if your a cheating whore (male or female) you cant blame your abusive past! your daddy beat you? your mom yelled at you? your mom didn’t care if step-daddy touched you? your mom chose her boyfriend and sent you into foster care?  None of these excuses as an adult are valid. They may make you fucked up, but they aren’t excuses. This is when being a self aware adult comes in! you had a rough life, fair, get some help, go to therapy, work through your shit. Don’t sit there and contaminate everyone else with your bullshit and hatred because daddy touched you or smacked you around one too many times. No! own your past as painful as it is and do something about it. Because pointing fingers at me wont make you a better person, a better mother, it wont erase the whore you were, nor will it give you redemption. So you fight your battles over there, and I will fight mine over here,Silently as an adult should. You don’t get a special pass to talk shit because you gave birth to a child. Most woman can do that, its nothing special. If I give you an ounce of respect its due to the person I care about, and it has zero to do with you, or who you birthed. But don’t take my kindness for weakness. In the words my dear friend…….

Mic Drop! and I’m out this bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL

-A